


Yellow

by mendeshoney



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 19:53:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mendeshoney/pseuds/mendeshoney
Summary: “Roses? Really?” It sounds harsh, and Travis flinches a little, but he extends them out to you, hands shaking as he tries to find his footing.“They’re yellow.” He points out. You raise a brow in annoyance, and he visibly swallows. “You know. Yellow for ‘I’m Sorry.’”





	Yellow

The night had been going fine, or as fine as it could’ve been.

You felt tired from work, even if you got out earlier than normal. Being a lifeguard in the summer sun often drained you, and the day had been brutal and busy. The last thing you wanted to do was to go out with Travis and his buddies for a drink at the bar downtown.

“But you love Port Stanley at night.” He had said, coercing you. “And it’s just one night with the guys, and I don’t wanna go out without you.”

You had caved. And here you were, smiling with the girlfriends of his friends even though you didn’t really know any of them, Travis’ arm around your shoulder as he shot the shit with his buddies, nursing his fifth beer of the night.

Travis gestures to one of the shiny new rings one of the girls was wearing. “That’s nice, Brody. Good for you.”

Brody rolls his eyes playfully. “She kept bugging me about it, so I figured it would ease her up for a bit.”

“What about you, Trav?” Another one of his friends said. Tanner, you think his name was. “Any rings in the near future for you?”

You tried not to stiffen under Travis’ touch as the question caught your ears. You pretended to stay in conversation with the girls, but even that died down as soon as the words left Tanner’s lips.

Travis scoffed, shaking his head. “Nope. Civil unions all the way.”

The boys stare at him, dumbfounded. He levels them with a look. “You guys know I don’t want to get married.”

And well, you didn’t know that. Your expression must have fallen, because then Brody’s girlfriend Leah frowns. She knows you’ve been dating for awhile, knows you and Travis constantly talk about the future and his buddies tease him mercilessly that you two would end up together forever.

You see Leah’s eyes flash to you before she leans forward, trying to get his attention. “Travis, I don’t think-“

“It’s just a waste. You know? Not something I’d really want anyway.” Travis continues, finishing off his beer.

And his admission would’ve been fine, if you’d known before hand. But you didn’t.

You feel your stomach sink a little, and you’re suddenly aware of the fact that all of the attention is focused solely on you, waiting for your reaction.

You didn’t know how to react, to be honest. But with the exhaustion from your day, reluctance to going out, and now this, you were beginning to wish you’d just stayed home and that he had this conversation in a setting where you’d be none the wiser.

As long as you’d been dating you thought that Travis wanted to get married. Hell, he knew that you did. You remember telling him you’d always dreamt of being someone’s wife - having a husband and kids and enjoying life together as a married couple. He said he wanted that too, wanted a loving marriage like the one his parents and grandparents had.

This admission, or rather rejection, was news to you. And you couldn’t lie, it hurt.

Either Travis doesn’t notice what he’s said, or he doesn’t care.

“Uh,” Tanner says, scratching the back of his head as he looks at you.

You felt faint all of a sudden, maybe the heat from the day was finally catching up to you. You try not to let your emotions show as you offer the group a weak smile, shrugging Travis’ arm off of your shoulder as you stand.

“I um-“ you clear your throat, trying to get rid of your nerves. Judging by the look on the girls faces, you know some of what you’re feeling must be on your face, and you try your best to school your expression. “I’m gonna go get some water.”

You don’t even know if they heard you, because it all came out barely above a whisper and you were already moving as you said it. Some of the girls call after you but you ignore it, pushing through the crowd and toward the bar. You try to hold back the tears, stomping all your emotion back down and remain as calm and unfazed as possible, but it’s too hard.

His words were like a slap in the face.

Your feet take you away from the bar and toward the front entrance, carrying you all the way until you’re out on the street. You can’t catch your breath, can’t focus. The only thing you can think about is getting out of here and getting home.

Your place isn’t far from where you are, so you start walking. Even though you planned on spending the night at Travis’ place, you didn’t think that was an option anymore at this point.

The minute you get home and lock the door behind you, your muscles relax out of defeat and your body goes into autopilot. You move slowly, only turning on the light in the bathroom.

A hot shower calms you down, but your brain feels cloudy and everything feels numb.

Nothing of what Travis said would’ve bothered you if he had just been honest about it, if it was something you already knew. But you didn’t.

You thought back to every conversation you could remember having with him, trying to see if you had simply misheard him or maybe if you forgot that he said he didn’t want to get married.

And it shouldn’t have bothered you, but _you_ were under the impression that maybe you would get married. That it was something you both wanted.

What flashes in your mind is the night of your three year anniversary, when after the most romantic day you and Travis lay naked in bed. You rested your head on his chest as he curled his arms around you, tracing circles on your skin with his fingertips, murmuring quietly.

_“One day, I’m gonna put a ring on your finger.”_

_You had laughed softly, eyes shut, but your heart soared. “Oh yeah?”_

_“Yeah.” He agreed. “Would you like that?”_

_“I would.”_

_“I’m gonna get you a ring that you’ll love and propose on the beach. Or maybe in bed, after a night just like this one. Okay?”_

_You had nodded, leaning further into his touch. “Okay.”_

The memory makes you nauseous. It’s tainted. A lie.

If it was true and that Travis really didn’t want to get married, you felt selfish. Selfish that you _did _want to get married and that you expected it. Selfish that you wanted something he may or may not have told you that he didn’t want.

There was nothing wrong with people who didn’t want to get married. Nothing wrong with people who had decades long relationships and no marriage.

But those people weren’t you.

And more than anything, you felt heartbroken. You thought that you both were in this for the long haul. And for you, the long haul led to marriage. You thought Travis was on the same page.

And if he wasn’t…you weren’t sure what you were sticking around for.

~

The summer sun beat down on your skin, making you walk just that little bit faster up the ramp and into the lifeguard tower, shutting the door behind you to keep in as much cool air as possible.

The AC in the tower made you sigh, reaching for the sunscreen and applying another layer.

“Still nothing?”

You glanced over at Daniela, your co-worker who you were sharing the tower with for the morning shift. After a brief shake of your head, she sighed.

You grabbed the binoculars and looked out to the water, trying to make sure everything was alright, and mostly to avoid having this conversation with her because you seriously did not need another lecture from her about you and Travis.

“It’s been two weeks. Almost three.” She pushes.

It looks like you’d be getting another lecture anyway.

“I’m fine, Dani.” You insist. “I got the message loud and clear. He said he didn’t want to get married. I left. He didn’t reach out. We’re done.”

She groans, nudging the back of your leg with her foot. “Why won’t you just talk to him?”

“I don’t have anything to say.”

“Not even to ask him what the hell he meant by all of that?”

“No.”

“Not even to tell him you’re done?”

“I’m pretty sure two weeks of radio silence is clear enough about our relationship status.”

She nudges you again. “Hey, who’s that?” She asks. You take one last glance out at the water and crowded beach before looking at what Daniela’s pointing at.

It’s Leah. And Brody. Leah’s waving her arms at the tower, obviously trying to get your attention.

“No one.” You say. “Travis’ friends.”

“Well Travis isn’t with them.”

You narrow your eyes at her. “I’m working.”

Daniela grabs the binoculars from your hands, pushing you toward the door. “And so am I. Just go talk to them. See what they want.”

You snatch the binoculars back and frown. “I don’t care what they want. I don’t care what they have to say. I especially don’t care if they’re here to make a case for him. I’m fine. You wanna know so bad? Then _you_ go talk to them.”

Daniela gets up without a word, and for a second you think maybe you were a bit too harsh, but she places a comforting hand on your shoulder, squeezing once before she leaves.

~

Later that night, you shut the water off in your kitchen sink, drying your hands with a satisfied sigh. Leaning against the counter, you look around at your finally clean apartment.

In the three weeks since you hadn’t seen Travis, you’d let it get a little messy, and you’d finally felt able to resume normal human being activity once you got home from work, accepting your situation and finding the readiness in yourself to move on.

Daniela’s words about what Leah had said a couple of days ago still rang in your ears.

“He’s real torn up.” Daniela summarized. “And he misses you.”

You scoff. If he missed you so bad, he could’ve done something about it, but he didn’t.

The sun was going down through the windows, and the cleanliness around you gave you a new sense of confidence, so you decided it might be a good time to shower. You take one, long and hot, stepping out feeling absolutely refreshed and clean. You take care of your sun kissed skin, rubbing in your favorite moisturizer before padding out into the living room.

You light a few candles in your apartment, turning on your little essential oil diffuser, pulling up your playlist and sighing when the music echoes from your sound system.

A wave of relaxation overcomes you, and you revel in it for a moment.

There’s a knock on your door, and you think for a second it might be your neighbor, or even Daniela, so you decide interrupting your little calm moment is worth it.

Until you open the door.

Travis is standing there, tail between his legs and a nervous smile on his face.

And in his hands, a giant bouquet of flowers.

Whatever relaxation you managed to have earlier is out the window, and is quickly replaced with the tension and anger you’d been feeling since that night.

You’re waiting for him to say something, but you know he’s never been good with words. So you speak first.

“Roses? Really?” It sounds harsh, and Travis flinches a little, but he extends them out to you, hands shaking as he tries to find his footing.

“They’re yellow.” He points out. You raise a brow in annoyance, and he visibly swallows. “You know. Yellow for ‘I’m Sorry.’”

“I haven’t seen you in three weeks.” You say, going to shut the door. “So your roses can go in a garbage somewhere.”

“Wait!” His foot shoots out, stopping you from shutting the door in his face. You groan, knowing he’s not going to give up anytime soon, so you turn and head back inside.

Travis comes in, shutting the door behind him. He waits by the door while you sit on the couch, knuckles turning white as he grips the stem of the bouquet.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I didn’t…I know I should’ve reached out to you sooner. But I had to think about what I was going to say.”

“You’re not doing so hot so far, I’ll be honest.”

He frowns. “I didn’t mean what I said that night.”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“I don’t know. I can’t give you an answer.”

You sigh, taking a chance to look at him. “You told me you wanted to get married.”

“I still do.” He presses, taking a cautious step inside. “I want that.”

“Do you just not want that with me?” The question hurts your heart a little, but you need to know the answer.

“I do. I want to get married to you.”

You shake your head. “Then I don’t get it Travis. Why’d you say what you did? Why’d you say it in front of everyone? And why did you send Leah and Brody to my job?”

That last part has him staring at you in confusion. “I didn’t…baby, I didn’t send them to your job. I promise.”

The pet name makes you wince a little, and Travis sees it, cursing himself.

“I really am sorry.”

“You keep saying that.” You say sadly. “It doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

Travis hangs his head, stepping closer to your spot on the couch. “I know. I know nothing I say or do is gonna take back what happened. Honestly. I don’t even know why I said it. It wasn’t true and I guess I just…I don’t know. I guess I just said it to get the guys off my back, but I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. I want to get married to you. I do. Civil unions are great, but I want marriage. With you. Specifically.”

You stare at him. There’s some fight still left in you, but you also know you are way too tired and way too frustrated to keep this going. “Just…put the flowers in the kitchen, Travis.”

He looks at you with sad eyes. “What?”

“Put the flowers in the kitchen and go.”

Travis shakes his head. “No, I want to talk about this. I want-“

“I just can’t, Travis. I get that you’re sorry and you say you want marriage and all but that night…” your voice trails off. You can feel yourself getting choked up, so you shake your head, standing up. “I think you should just go.”

“No!” He exclaims. “I can prove it to you.”

It happens quickly. Travis puts the flowers down on your coffee table, then he’s reaching into his pocket, and suddenly he’s down on one knee in front of you, holding out an open ring box.

The ring is…beautiful. It’s a simple band, and a small square diamond sits in the center surrounded by other little diamonds, all of them gleaming at you even in the dim lit space of your living room.

You feel like you’ve stopped breathing, just staring at the ring that’s staring right back at you. The room is so silent you can hear it when Travis swallows nervously.

His eyes are on your face, voice sure and solid when he says,

“Marry me. Right now. We can go to the courthouse and get it done.”

You stare at his face, shell shocked. There’s a large pause, and Travis’ eyes bore into yours, the question and plea still hanging in the air.

“What do you say? Will you marry me?”


End file.
